“Fake it ‘til you make it,” I repeat to myself for what seems like the millionth time. “Just keep faking it.”
As yoga teacher training moves into its final phases, it’s all starting to get very real. Like, we have to co-teach a real class soon real. It’s all a touch overwhelming, and I find myself reverting to mantras that once served me as a theater kid. No one knows you’re scared unless you tell them. Confidence is an act. Rely on memorization. Stuff like that.
That said, it’s exciting to build this first foundational step. Yoga is a lifelong pursuit, one that will continue for me whether or not I choose to teach. But for now? I’m green, enthusiastic, a little esoteric, and full of fake assurance.
10 Thoughts I Had During My Fifth Weekend of YTT
I’m getting more comfortable with the thoughts that ricochet around my mind during training, even learning to breathe right through them. What a concept.
1. Are these…friends?
Given that our training cohort meets for one weekend a month, relationship building has been slow going—but perhaps all the more authentic. Rather than jumping into a convenient rapport based on first impressions, we’ve actually gotten to know each other through shifting seasons, both of the year and of life, at least in a micro way.
My initial assumptions around and designations of each of these women was total projection, a lesson that I have been learning over and over again. You don’t know someone until you know them.
2. We should all be talking about the gunas.
Naming energy is such a helpful approach. Just as identifying our emotions (what they are, where they are in our bodies, and what they’re telling us) can help us move through them, energy becomes easier to navigate and manipulate when categorized.
This is why I love the gunas. The three energetic states, tamas (stability), rajas (activity), and sattva (consciousness), are all essential, and work best when in balance. Whether you’re assessing the quality of your energy throughout the day to planning a yoga class, the gunas are a useful tool.
3. Learning is everything.
To me, learning is an essential part of being a person. I chose a profession that comes with constant research, ideation, and curiosity. Still, it’s been a long time since I’ve found myself in a real education setting, one that finds me completely vulnerable and out of my depth. Each time I push myself to really learn something, rather than give up when I don’t immediately master it, it’s like unlocking a new level of self.
Disproving my own doubts and becoming even more me—a me with new knowledge and skill sets—is fun, empowering, and validating. I intend to keep leveling up.
4. My trap issues may be tied to my heart chakra.
The world’s knottiest, ropiest, tightest upper trapezius muscles belong to me. I have always assumed this is because I work at a desk all day, but it seems there might be more to it. From a chakra perspective, my tendency to hunch could be a subconscious protecting of my heart chakra, which breaks my other metaphorical heart a little bit.
Now, in addition to chest-opening exercises, external rotation, stretching, and massage, I’ll be working on letting the love in.
5. I can be picky about my practice.
Talks around sequencing have opened up an entirely new (and liberating) conversation: just as you should be creating the kind of classes you like, you should like the classes you take.
As previously discussed, hot yoga is not my go-to practice. I’m rarely relaxed by the time we get to Savasana—ergo, hot yoga is not for me! And that’s okay! If your teacher’s gong is grating on you, or you don’t resonate with the playlist, or the vibes are just off, that just means it’s not your class.
From now on, I will be selecting classes that allow me to access my yoga.
6. The way we talk about yoga matters.
During a discussion around arm balances, the word “fitness” keeps coming up. As in, some poses require more strength, or fitness, than someone may currently be able to access. At least that’s how we all interpret it.
The minute our teacher changes the word to “activation,” as in “you have the strength you just need to activate the muscles in a potentially unfamiliar way,” all of our brows unfurrow and the poses feel possible.
7. I love Sun Salutations.
I once tweeted something about mandatory Sun Salutations making the world a better place. As I no longer have access to my Twitter account, I can’t confirm the exact wording, but I stand by the sentiment. If I could just do Sun Salutations, aka Surya Namaskar A, over and over, that would be fine with me.
I don’t think I’m an Ashtanga girly; I love the flowy freedom of vinyasa. But who knows? Maybe I’ll give the primary series a shot.
8. I can (sort of) sequence!
Okay, not really. And not well yet. But the fact that sequencing is making any sense at all is a win. Structuring a class used to seem abstract. Now, it’s challenging but logical. There’s a narrative arc. There are vignettes. We are building up to things and then coming down from them, moving into areas of the body and then countering the movements for balance. It’s not so mysterious after all.
9. Micromovements make all the difference.
Whether we’re talking about yoga poses or everyday posture, micromovements are so powerful. As one teacher puts it, these small adjustments keep the poses (and our bodies in general) alive rather than stagnant.
10. It’s all about embodiment.
To that end, I think my favorite thing about yoga is that it’s basically living art. It’s taking our emotional and spiritual and energetic landscapes and expressing them through movement. It’s pressure free. It’s not performative.