“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
Herman Hesse
Discovering lightness in life is a common theme in my writing.
This feeling can stem from a productive yet relaxed workday or from decluttering your living space.
It can also arise from the practice of letting go and moving forward in life.
Releasing a relationship, a past experience, an insignificant distraction, or the urge to control the uncontrollable can liberate a significant amount of your energy and time, allowing you to pursue more fulfilling endeavors.
While not always simple, this act of letting go can be transformative.
This article outlines five steps that have assisted me in the process of letting go over time.
My hope is that these steps will be beneficial to you as well.
Step 1: Recognize the drawbacks of holding on.
Why is it challenging to release certain things?
To be candid, there are advantages to holding onto things. At least in terms of immediate gratification and short-term gains.
- It allows you to feel morally justified. You may enjoy feeling right while viewing the other party as wrong.
- You can assume the role of the victim. This may garner you attention, support, and solace from others.
- You avoid venturing into the unfamiliar. Instead, you cling to the known and the safe, even if it’s just a memory of what once was.
In the past, I have clung to things for these reasons. Even now, I occasionally delay letting go due to these perceived benefits.
However, I am mindful of the fact that the temporary benefits of holding on are not worth the long-term consequences.
Because…
- What impact will my inability to let go have on my life in the long run?
- How will it shape my life and relationships in the next five years, both with others and with myself?
Understanding how these benefits can harm me in the future, coupled with the awareness of the greater benefits that come from letting go, serves as a powerful motivator for me to release things for my own well-being and happiness.
Step 2: Acknowledge the reality, then release.
Accepting what has occurred makes it easier to let go.
Why?
When you mentally resist a past event, you inadvertently give it more power and significance.
By accepting that it simply happened – such as being rejected after a date – and allowing it to exist without resistance, something peculiar occurs over time.
The issue or memory loses its grip on your mind. You no longer feel as distressed or sorrowful about it as before. Your emotional attachment weakens.
Thus, it becomes simpler to let go and move forward in life.
Step 3: Practice forgiveness.
Initial hurt from someone’s actions may linger for a while.
Following this, a choice arises.
You can refuse to release the incident, letting it impact your relationships and replaying it in your mind repeatedly.
Alternatively, you can opt for forgiveness.
Initially accepting the situation can facilitate the forgiveness process.
Instead of viewing forgiveness as an obligation, consider forgiving for your own sake. Do it to enhance your well-being, happiness, and the time ahead.
As Catherine Ponder aptly puts it:
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
Forgiveness does not imply passivity towards your future.
You may choose to forgive while deciding to limit your future interactions with someone who has caused you pain.
Step 4: Concentrate on what you CAN control.
Ruminating on past events does not alter them.
Unless you possess a time machine, you have no power over the past.
Worrying about things beyond your control only serves as a distraction.
Ask yourself:
- What aspects of my life can I direct my focus and energy towards to effect positive change?
- What small step can I take today to initiate this change?
I have found that redirecting my attention from the uncontrollable to the actionable, repeatedly asking such questions, makes it easier to release worries and things I cannot influence.
Step 5: Release again (if necessary).
Letting go of a past issue or distraction may not be a one-time event.
Life is rarely linear. The issue may resurface.
In such instances, release it once more.
I have observed that each time I let go, the issue recurs less frequently and holds less power over me.
Moreover, this practice enhances my ability to let go in the future. Like maintaining a positive outlook during adversity, letting go is a skill that improves with time.