Recently, my life has been going through a lot of changes, and I’m still trying to keep up with it all.
It’s a peculiar feeling when your life starts to look different from what you’re accustomed to. Even if the change is positive. Even if it’s something you desired. Even when it’s something you chose or something that aligns with your life. There’s still a part of you that feels a bit lost. There’s still a weight to it. An awareness that things are no longer the same. And also… this small, unexpected sense of loss. Missing versions of my life that I’m still experiencing, but that already feel like they’re slowly slipping away. The way things used to be, without me even realizing they were “before.” The ordinary days that didn’t feel like anything special at the time, but now feel different. It’s strange to mourn something that hasn’t completely ended yet. To be here, in the present, and already feel a goodbye to it. I didn’t anticipate that part.
I used to think that once something “good” happened, I should just feel happy about it. Completely, clearly, without any doubts. But that’s not how it works. Some days I feel thrilled. Like I’m embarking on something new, full of possibilities. And other days, I feel overwhelmed for no clear reason. Or tired.
And I’ve come to realize that both feelings can coexist.
You can feel thankful and still feel uncertain.
You can feel excited and still feel scared.
You can be making progress and still feel like you need a moment to breathe.
You can be in something beautiful and still miss what was before.
I used to think I had to choose one feeling and stick to it. Like if something good was happening, I had no right to feel confused or sad or overwhelmed. But that’s not reality. Real life is a mix of emotions. Messy. A bit unclear most of the time.
Lately, I’ve been trying to stop rushing through it all. Stop trying to “figure it all out.” Because I don’t think that’s how it works. Sometimes you just have to sit with it. In the in-between. And trust that things will make sense later on.
There’s something unsettling about change, even when it’s the right move. It stretches you. It rearranges things inside you. It requires you to let go of versions of yourself that you were accustomed to. And that takes time. I believe I’m learning to accept that I’m in a transitional phase.
If you’re experiencing something similar, know that you’re not falling behind. You’re not lost. You’re simply in the midst of something. And it’s okay to feel confused. And heavy. And hopeful and exciting all at once. It’s okay to mourn what was, even as you step into something new.
And it’s alright to feel both at the same time. 🤍
Have you ever experienced that too? Being in something new, while still holding onto what’s slowly changing?