I was 13 when I went on my first diet.
I had been struggling with my weight for about six years, and my obsession with how I looked was starting to dominate my life.
I only had two to three shirts that I felt comfortable in. The only thing that mattered was that they didn’t make me “feel fat.” Even those chosen shirts were always under my West 49 sweater, for extra coverage.
The cherry on top of this presentation was my slouched shoulders—a defense mechanism to protect against exposing my “man boobs,” the body part that had dynastic reign for being my biggest insecurity.
The way I viewed my body governed my self-worth.
I felt that my body held me back from enjoying countless moments of my life, and by the ripe age of 13, I decided I was sick of it.
I figured the only way I could change this purgatory was by changing my body.
I started exercising three to four times a day. For my first two meals a day, I drank a sludge of water mixed with “weight loss smoothie powder” (really just a glorified protein shake). Whenever I “cheated,” I punished myself the next day by eating even less or exercising even more.
In about 5 months, I lost 60 lbs. One third of my body weight to be exact.
This was how I spent the summer transitioning from elementary school to high school. Counting calories over making memories.
To no surprise, this was met with endless praise. And it felt good. Scratch that, it felt incredible.
I had experienced both sides now: One where I felt valueless because I was in a fatter body, and one where I felt accepted and prized because I was in a thinner body.
In another version of this story, I might’ve learned something from my newly widened perspective: I might’ve gained empathy, seeing the unfair stigma projected at people in larger bodies. I might’ve gained bravery, advocating for more body acceptance, regardless of someone’s size.
But instead, I participated in the problem.
I built up the identity of being a “former fat person” who is proof that “anybody can lose weight.”
However, as this script typically goes, over the next few years, I gained a lot of the weight back.
This sent me into a depression. I felt like I had lost my value; like I had won the lottery and blew through my fortune.
That was the pattern I repeated for almost 15 years.
Until I stumbled on something called “body neutrality.”
For me, adopting a more body-neutral approach created a paradigm shift—it offered a way to uncouple my appearance with my happiness. It also caused me to ask some deep questions about my body, and the kind of life I wanted.
Questions like:
“Do I want my self worth to be defined by my external appearance?”
“Do I want to continue this cycle—and potentially pass it on to any future kids I might have?”
“What would my life look like if I fought to value myself for who I am as opposed to what I look like?”
My answers weren’t immediately clear. But body neutrality created an opportunity to step off the hamster wheel of chasing aesthetic goals—and finally, truly reflect.
In this article, I’ll walk you through the process of adopting a more body neutral approach to your own self image and self-care.
You’ll learn:
- What body neutrality is
- How to think about your body and your health—in a way that isn’t dependent on appearance
- Five actionable, body neutral strategies you can apply today—if you want to stop letting your weight, size, or shape dictate your happiness
Let’s begin.
What is body neutrality?
Body neutrality is a mindset that encourages you to value how your body functions and feels over how it looks. This perspective helps you develop self-acceptance, while still working to care for yourself in ways that promote overall health.
In practice, this looks like:
✅ You exercise and eat nutritiously—not because it makes you look a certain way—but because it makes you feel good.
✅ You still have treats (because life is too short to be deprived of pizza!) but you don’t eat them to excess because they don’t make you feel the best, physically.
✅ You wear clothes and celebrate your appearance in ways that feel authentic, but how you “display” yourself isn’t the foundation of your self-worth.
✅ You don’t always love all aspects of your body, but you don’t let that stop you from enjoying your life; Improving your appearance doesn’t “earn” you the right to be happy.
✅ You might still care about how you look, but you broaden your self-concept so it also includes your values and your inherent worthiness as a human.
I value seeing friends and family. I value playing rec sports. I value new experiences.
When I’ve been heavier, I’ve neglected these things in favor of isolating myself.
“I’ll do them again when I lose weight” is something I’ve uttered to myself more times than I can count.
Body neutrality helped me realize I still deserved these things—no matter how I looked.
Everyone can benefit from body neutrality.
Body neutrality isn’t just for people in larger, or otherwise marginalized bodies.
It’s also useful for people with “ideal bodies,” who’ve been the recipients of validation and privilege because of the way they look.
“I’ve worked with clients who are fairly satisfied with their appearance, but they still struggle with their body image because their self-worth relies on it,” says Shannon Beer, registered nutritionist and body image coach.
People with idealized bodies sometimes aren’t living the life they want either, because they have to exhaust their energy to maintain an image of “perfection.”
(If you want to know what kind of sacrifices it takes to meet those “ideal” standards, check out: The cost of getting lean: Is it really worth the trade-off?)
“The ‘meh’ is the magic.”
That’s a quote from Jessi Kneeland, body neutrality coach and author of Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues, when they sat down with some PN coaches to talk about body-neutrality.
(Want to listen in on the whole conversation? Watch it here: PN Coaches discuss body neutrality and negative self-talk)
The goal with body neutrality isn’t to love your body and all of its parts all of the time. Avoid comparing yourself to others on social media.
▶ Surround yourself with positive influences, whether that’s people who support your body neutrality journey or uplifting content that promotes self-acceptance.
▶ Choose to engage in activities and hobbies that make you feel good about yourself, rather than focusing on appearance-based activities that may trigger negative feelings.
By curating your environment in a way that supports your body neutrality goals, you can create a more positive and empowering space for yourself.
Strategy #4: Practice self-compassion.
Be kind to yourself, especially when you’re feeling insecure or critical about your body.
Instead of beating yourself up for not meeting certain standards or expectations, practice self-compassion by offering yourself understanding and support.
Remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of your appearance or perceived flaws.
By cultivating self-compassion, you can develop a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself, which can support your body neutrality journey.
Strategy #5: Seek professional support.
If you’re struggling to adopt a body neutral approach or find yourself caught in negative thought patterns about your body, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or coach.
Professional support can provide you with guidance, tools, and strategies to navigate your body image issues and develop a healthier relationship with your body.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. Seeking help is a sign of strength and a valuable step towards healing and growth.
Conclusion
Embracing body neutrality is a powerful and liberating journey towards self-acceptance and self-love.
By shifting your focus away from appearance-centric goals and towards holistic well-being, you can cultivate a more positive and empowering relationship with your body.
Remember, it’s okay to have aesthetic goals, but they should not come at the expense of your mental, emotional, and physical health.
By practicing body neutrality and implementing the strategies mentioned above, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling approach to health and fitness that honors your body and your well-being.
Take the first step today towards a more body neutral mindset and embrace the journey towards self-acceptance and self-love.
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Incorporate more activities into your life that focus on aspects of your personality beyond your body. This could include exploring comedy, crafting, or other hobbies that bring you joy.
Try reducing your exposure to your own appearance by decreasing the number of mirrors in your space or covering them up temporarily. You can also consider turning off the self-view option on video calls like Zoom.
Consider getting rid of your scale as it can be challenging to maintain a neutral mindset about the number it shows.
Establish boundaries around conversations that focus on body image. If someone starts discussing weight loss diets or negative body talk, try changing the subject or politely exiting the conversation.
To support your journey towards body neutrality, seek out communities and groups that promote body positivity, body neutrality, or health at every size. These spaces can offer additional support and encouragement.
Remember that achieving body neutrality is a process, not perfection. Evaluate where you currently stand in terms of your focus on appearance and set small goals to gradually shift towards a more neutral mindset.
While progress may look different for everyone, be patient with yourself as you navigate through ingrained beliefs and societal norms. Embrace the freedom, joy, and self-worth that comes with practicing body neutrality.
If you are interested in coaching others on sustainable nutrition and lifestyle habits, consider enrolling in the PN Level 1 Nutrition Coaching Certification for a discounted rate. This program can help you make a positive impact on others’ physical and mental health while pursuing a fulfilling career in health and wellness. Could you please rewrite the following sentence?